the end of an era

So basically it was much easier to celebrate and see Grammy and Grampy's new house than it was to say goodbye to their old house.  As of tonight, they are completely out.  They've turned over the keys to the new owners and driven away for the last time...and it makes me sad.

The kids and I went over today to help them get a few last minute things, and I took some pictures of the empty house while we were there.  I got a little choked up...it's not easy to say goodbye to the house that you grew up in - that holds so many memories...

• visiting the house while it was being built through the winter
• starting high school
• running up the front steps the day I got my driver's license
• coming home from high school graduation to my Grandpa waiting in the kitchen
• coming home from college on the weekends
• running up the stairs and into my sister's room the day I ran back into Brad
• my bridal shower
• writing my wedding vows in the living room
• spending my last night in that house the night before our wedding
• throwing the surprise party for my parent's 25th wedding anniversary
• telling my parents we were pregnant
• my baby shower

Really - the list goes on and on.  And that's not to say that there aren't unhappy memories, too.  There are plenty.  I'm sure every house/family has them.  But I love that house.  And I will miss it forever.

{They were so embarrassed I made them pose for this picture, but really it was necessary.}

Goodbye, home.  

Bitter Sweet

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day for me.  My baby bear turned two, right before my very eyes.  And I wasn't ready.

I was ready on Sunday afternoon when we celebrated her birthday with friends and family.  There wasn't an inch of sadness on that day.  Not one.  Maybe the party planning postponed my feelings of sadness over quickly growing babies changing into little, independent people.  I don't know...

All I know is that I woke up, and it wasn't sunny.  And then I couldn't fix the zipper on the birthday bear that Hannah loves so much after many minutes of trying.  But whatever it was, I could tell I was in a funk, and I was feeling guilty - IT'S HANNAH'S BIRTHDAY, BE HAPPY! the voice inside my head kept chanting.

My mood got better as I took the kids to the park and watched Hannah giggle on the swings and slide down the slides on her tummy.  How could that not make me smile?

And as they played and ate at Chuck E. Cheese.

And as I baked her birthday cake.

But deep down, behind my smile, I was still a little sad.  I couldn't shake it.

We're on the brink of getting rid of diapers and binkies.  She's mostly ready.  And I'm not.  That's a lie - I'm ready to get rid of diapers.  Diapers, yes, definitely.  Binkies - not so much.

But still.  You get the idea.  I'm not ready to not have babies in the house, and so on this monumental day -  when we look back on the day she was born, and it feels oh-so-long-ago - I was sad.  Is that normal?  Does it last forever?

The thing is - Hannah had a very happy day, and I was happy about that.  She had fun at the park and at Chuck E. Cheese.  And she had fun watching her brother at Tae Kwon Do with her Daddy and making birthday dinner.  She loved opening presents and licking the frosting off of her cake while her birthday sparkler in the shape of a number two lit up our family room.  Her happiness is contagious.

Thank goodness!

*****

And on another note - my parents have a new house!

I'm so happy for them, and I can't wait to make many new, happy memories there!