He practiced lunch.

Today felt like a big day around here.  Jack got to practice eating lunch in the school cafeteria.  Our kindergarten program is a half-day program, and so usually, Jack goes to daycare and has lunch there.  But about a week and a half ago, his teacher sent home a letter explaining that the kindergartners would get to eat lunch in the cafeteria one day this year in order to better prepare them for first grade in the fall.  I thought this was a lovely idea, and I immediately got excited about a new lunch box and using the lunch box notes I've been pinning since before Hannah was born.

Saturday night, on our date night, Brad and I stopped into Target after dinner and a movie to pick out a lunch box and a thermos for our little man.  We settled on Spider-Man (of course!) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Last night, after Sunday Steak Dinner, I made lunch like I imagine the best mommies do.  I pretended that this is a task I will not grow to despise before the end of the first week of school.  I even added the lunch box note.  And then I was worried the condensation from the thermos would smear the note before Jack would have a chance to read it.  So I put the note inside a baggie.

I couldn't wait to pick Jack up from school today to hear about his special lunch.  When I first saw him and asked about how it went, he said it was fun.  So I asked him if he found anything special inside his lunch box.  He said he found strawberries, blueberries, and bananas.  

"Anything else?" I asked.

"A Lunchable," he told me.

"Anything else?" I asked again.

"Nope."

"Did you see the note?"

With his little nose scrunched up, he asked, "Was I supposed to give that to my teacher?"

"No, silly - the note was for you!"

We went inside, and I went digging for the note to show him how much I cared.  I found the note, still in its plastic baggie, but I also found all of the trash from Jack's lunch.  Hard bologna, yogurt that had spilled all over the inside, uneaten cookies that had gone stale...

Apparently, he hadn't eaten fast enough, and in his new surroundings, decided to stash his food back into his lunch box.  We had a chat about using the trash can in the future (there were apparently five available, a tidbit he shared, but he still chose not to use one).

It wasn't until after dinner that he finally settled down to read his lunch note.  I think he thought it was pretty cute, even if it didn't go anything like I'd envisioned in my head.  I'm learning that it never does!

*****

And just because - here's this sweet, little beauty this morning before I had to wake her up.  Sometimes, she takes my breath away...

Growing Up

{photo courtesy of Marian Lozano}

Today was a hard day for my mommy-heart, but a very big day for my little man.  This morning, when we arrived at daycare, instead of coming with me to drop Hannah off as he usually does, and instead of waving to me from the front door as I drive away to go to work, he whispered into my ear that today he'd like to just go straight to his classroom to play with his friends before going to school.

Without missing a beat, I gave him a big smile and said, "Sure, Honey - of course.  I love you.  Have a good day!"  And off he went.  All smiles and proud.

I turned to go down the hall to Hannah's classroom, and my eyes welled-up with tears.  The other teachers that were in the hallway knew exactly how I was feeling.  They sympathized with me as I tried to be happy and kiss Hannah goodbye without crying my eyes out.  I made it back to my car before I really cried, but the way to work wasn't pretty.

It was too early to call anyone and I know it would have seemed silly to anyone else, but it was a very big deal to me.  I told Brad later this afternoon when I called him after work, and he said he understood why that would make me feel sad, but that he was happy for Jack.  That he's glad that he's becoming independent and braver.

And I am too.  I just wasn't ready.  It caught me off-guard, as I'm sure these things normally do.  

My baby boy is going to be six this spring.  And to me, six means he's no longer a baby.  He's out there, in the real world, going to school and making friends and riding buses, all without me.  And it's only going to be more and more like that as the years go by.  

I'm so glad that he's excited.  That he's enjoying more of his freedom.  And that it happens one little, teeny bit at a time.

{Note: The next day, Jack decided he wanted to come with me and Hannah.  Like I said, baby steps for both of us.}

Ninja Night

Last Friday, Jack attended Ninja Night at his Tae Kwon Do school.  They had advertised the event in class, and Jack had been asking me for about a week and a half if he could go.  Brad and I weren't completely sold on the idea, as this would be Jack's first drop-off event.  No parents present.  And a late night - the party didn't end until 9:30 pm.  I waited a few days to see if the excitement of the idea would wear off for him, and it didn't.

I finally made it up there and signed him up to attend.  That night, he said that he didn't want to go without us, and that he'd rather stay home.  I didn't push the issue or make it a big deal that now he had to go, I just tried to talk about how much fun it would be.  The next day was Ninja Night.

When I picked him up at the end of the day, I mentioned that we had to go home to get ready for Ninja Night.  I asked him what he wanted to dress up as, and he said he wanted to be a Ninja Turtle.  He had an outfit all planned out - one that consisted of green pajama pants from half of a Buzz Lightyear pajama set, and a Green Lantern pajama shirt turned backwards:)  I already knew that I was going to give him a pair of Ninja Turtle pajamas I'd bought and hidden awhile ago, but I just wanted to see what he had planned.  I told him I thought maybe I had some Ninja Turtle jammies he could wear, and he was so excited!

"You mean all green, like the turtle shell?  Nothing else?  No words?  Really?  All green?  Just like a turtle?"

"Yeah, I think so.  Let me go check, and I'll be right back."

When I came back downstairs with the all-green, true-to-form Ninja Turtle pajamas, he just about exploded with excitement.  It was so stinkin' cute.

He got dressed as quickly as I've ever seen him do, and we were off.  He was a champ.  When I dropped him off, he didn't seem upset at all.  I was so proud of my brave boy.

His sister, on the other hand, was very upset to leave "My Jack" behind.  She cried real tears and everything.  When I asked her what she wanted to have for dinner on the way home, she whimpered, "TopKick," the name of Jack's Tae Know Do school:)

Brad and I got a chance to realize how easy it was when we only had one baby to feed and play with and put to bed.  The house was so quiet...  We don't remember it that way, as being easy, but ohmygoodness - when we only have one at a time...

Anyhow, we had a great evening with Hannah Bear, and the whole time, I couldn't help but wonder how Jack was doing at his first event without Mom and Dad.  No one from the school had called, asking us to pick him up, so we took that as a good sign:)

We decided I would stay home with a sleeping Hannah while Brad would go pick Jack up from his party.  He was sad that he hadn't gotten to see Jack before the party, so it only seemed right.  I was sure that Jack would come home and be carried in by Brad, sound asleep.  Boy, was I wrong!

He was clearly on a party-high because Jack came bounding in the door, hungry and ready to eat.  We gave him some milk and yogurt and listened as he rambled on about all the fun he'd had.  He told us all about the haunted bus and the costumes he'd seen.  

I made a comment about how I thought he'd be asleep when he got home.

And do you know what that smart, little man said to me?  As matter-of-factly as possible?

"It's a short ride."

{My, how he's growing up...}

Goodbyes are never easy

It's been about a month since the puppies moved away.  Most days, we do pretty well.  The kiddos only ask about them now and then, and we've adjusted to life without dogs.

But every now and then, it's like a sucker-punch to the gut.

Brad's been traveling a lot for work, and I've been staying up late doing school work and finding my first grade bearings.  Yesterday, I was checking on the little lovelies, and I came back down the hall towards my room, when I caught myself looking forward to seeing my puppy dogs all curled up in their beds, snoring and sighing away.

And then I remembered that they were gone, and it made me cry.  Randomly, after a month, just standing in the middle of the upstairs hallway like, "Where in the world did that just come from?!"

I missed their smell.  Not the wet-dog smell or the bad puppy breath smell, but that warm, sleepy fur smell that was here when they slept next to my side of the bed.

I guess I got used to having the extra company when Brad was away, and now it's just so very quiet once Jack and Hannah are in bed.

I texted our friend Joe today to let him know to give them kisses from me, and he sent me this picture of Gracie-girl:

Isn't she just so perfectly beautiful?

Belle was in the picture, too, but she heard something as Joe snapped the picture, and she was off!  Sounds just like Belle!

When it's really hard and I miss the girls so much, I think about how Jack hasn't gotten blotchy in three weeks.  About how he rarely sneezes.  About how soon he'll be able to come off of his inhaler.

And I think, I can do this.

For that boy?  I would do anything.

*****

Also, while Hannah is loving her old school once again, she is not loving the policy of no binkies allowed in the two's room.  Mama's having a hard time, too, but I try not to let her see that.  Today, I hid her binky when I dropped her off, and when I picked her up, and she asked me for it, I told her I didn't know where it was.  That it went bye-bye because she was such a big girl, and she doesn't need it anymore.  She was very unhappy.

But eventually she got over it and started playing.  She asked me again before bedtime, and she cried a little when I put her down for the night, but everyone's right - it's time.  I know this.  I just hate to see that little girl sad.

She fell asleep after only a few short minutes.  I scurried around, found all the binkies and hid them away.  I cannot go backwards this time.  I cannot.

Please don't let me.

If fact, if someone could come over here and hide them from me, that would be wonderful.

Seriously.

Just don't throw them away.  At least not the pink one - I need it as a keepsake.

First Day

Today was a big day.  And I have to write about it before I can sleep.  Because I want to remember it - it was that big.

Today was Jack's first day of kindergarten.

This morning, when I went in to wake Jack up, I sang him our good morning song, as usual, and snuggled up next to my little man.  I was rubbing his back and talking about what a big day it was for him.  And do you know what he said?  His first words today?  Barely a whisper, he said, "I'm scared." So I put on my brave face and told him there was nothing to be scared of and about all of the fun he would have.

Jack decided he would prefer that I drop him off at school rather than he ride the bus, so that's just what we did.  We dropped off Hannah Bear (who did slightly better today - no screaming, just teary-eyes!), and then we drove to Jack's new school.  I got out and gave him a hug, and he whispered that he was scared and couldn't remember where to go.  And as bravely as I could, I walked him to a complete stranger, explained that he was starting kindergarten and didn't know where to go, and before I knew it, he was whisked off to the building where teachers would help to guide him.  I called out to him, "I love you, Jack - have a good day!"

And just like that - he was gone.

I had no choice but to get in my car and drive away.

I cried the entire way to work.  But not in front of Jack.  

And my little man?  He didn't cry at all - he was so brave.

I simply could not have been more proud of him today.  My heart was just bursting at the seams.

He had a great day - he said it was awesome:)  He said they took a tour of the classroom and had circle time.  They talked about the weather and used straws to count the day of school.  He said they played on the playground and that he didn't cry when he got a little scrape on his ankle.  He said he loved the bus ride to his new daycare.  But that he doesn't want to ride the bus in the morning.  He said kindergarten is great, and I just couldn't be happier.

Today was a big day.  Indeed.

Little Things

I realized that it had been a very long time since Jack had come into our room in the middle of the night to spend the rest of the night snuggled up against me in our bed.

And Hannah no longer calls her lovey, "puppy."  Now she can make the /l/ sound, and "lovey" comes out clearly.

Skinny Bear doesn't go wherever Jack goes.  He often stays home on the couch.

Hannah's shape is no longer that of a dollar sign.  Her baby belly is disappearing - fast.

On most days, Jack does not nap with me anymore.  He prefers to stay up and play.

These things seem to happen slowly - I almost don't notice.

And then one day they hit me 

- like tiny pin pricks on my heart - 

I catch the /l/ sound when Hannah reaches for her lovey.

I notice that Jack doesn't run to grab Skinny Bear as we're leaving the house.

It makes me sad - my babies are growing up.  Quickly.

Their current ages seem so great, and I just want to stop time.

And then, as if he knew I needed it, Jack sauntered into our room at 4:16 one morning because his room "was too dark," and he wanted to snuggle.

And I hauled him up and squeezed him tight and smiled as we went back to sleep.

Growing Up

We made big strides today in our house as far as growing up is concerned.

Tonight, while making dinner, Hannah said her first full sentence.  Well, that's probably not true.  I feel like she speaks in sentences quite often, but this was the first time I ever really remember it being completely her own thought and pulled together all by herself.  I was originally going to make the kids buttered noodles, but she spilled the half a box of noodles on the floor, so then I decided to make them mac and cheese.  I was making pot pies for me and Brad, and the littles don't really love pot pie, so I was making them something different.  Hannah does like rice, however, and she was eagerly anticipating helping me make rice.  As I was stirring the macaroni noodles, I suddenly heard the bag of rice hit the floor, followed by a very clear, "I dropped the rice."  So stinkin' cute - I seriously made her say it over and over again!

*****

Brad also gave a Jack a much-needed haircut this evening, and now my little man looks all grown-up!  I couldn't believe how much older he looks...he's just so handsome.  And I immediately got a ton of comments about how much he looks just like his daddy:)

*****

And then, to top it all off, I snapped this adorable picture moments before tucking Hannah Bear into bed tonight.

I'm so happy that we have such snuggly kiddos!


Now if only I could stop time...

Deja Vu

Remember last summer when Jack practically lived in these Spider-Man pajamas?

Well, this morning Miss Hannah woke up before Jack, and she and I went downstairs to let the puppies out and to get her breakfast bottle.  I was getting ready to feed Hannah when that tiny, little voice I love called out to ask if I was downstairs.  As I turned to watch my little man come down the stairs, I saw that same three year old all over again.  He'd chosen to wear these jammies last night...the ones I haven't seen him wear in awhile.  And he was holding Skinny Bear and his blue blanket, and he just looked like that little boy who is quickly disappearing before my very eyes.  

It took my breath away.  And I just smiled and hugged him and secretly thanked him for that moment.

What a Difference a Year Makes

From tears to smiles...

{2011}

...and from one to two.

What a difference a year makes!

28 1/2 Months

Baby Jack,

Tomorrow you will be 28 1/2 months old!  I can't believe how quickly time is flying by, but Mommy and Daddy want you to know how very much you are loved and that the past 28 1/2 months have been the happiest months of our entire lives.  Getting to watch you grow and change each day is an amazing adventure that we continually cherish...

Right now you weigh about 29 pounds, which is a little on the light side, but we're not worried.  While you are a little picky about what you eat, once we can settle on something you like, you do a good job of eating it all:)  You're wearing mostly 2T clothing, but occasionally you wear 18-24 month pants (because of that tiny little waist of yours).  You would wear your Buzz t-shirt 24/7 if I let you (but I don't).  You love, love, love to wear your Buzz shoes or your Spiderman shoes.  And it goes without saying that that's only when you aren't wearing your cowboy boots.

You love to drive your car and motorcycle (aka - tricycle) around the house.  Lately, you've been driving to the bathroom when you have to go and parking next to the toilet.  It's actually pretty darn adorable.  You also love to play with Mr. Potato Head still, and lately you've taken to making new faces because for the longest time, you could only make one very specific face.  You're always asking me to "play wif cars," or you'll say, "Can we build sometin, Mama?"  Which, oh my word, how could I possibly say no to that?

Sometimes you'll let me pose you for pictures - which I'm loving.  Sometimes you very clearly state, "No pikters, Mama," and I can understand that because I DO take LOTS of pictures.  You're just the cutest thing I've ever seen in my whole entire life.  You love to watch movies, and we're very impressed with your attention span.  Now you can turn the movie on all by yourself (TV and DVD player); all I have to do is hit the play button on the remote which you haven't quite figured out but you're working on it.  Almost every day, when I ask you what you did at school, you tell me that you built a castle.  I have yet to figure out if that's true, but it's pretty cute because you're so sure that's what you did.

Have I told you that I used to HATE feet before you came along?  It's true - I really did.  And now?  I just can't get enough of yours.  Look at how cute they are?  You have these adorably chubby toes that I just can't help but kiss and nibble as often as I can because I know one day you won't let me and (let's be honest) I won't want to. 

You also love to sing.  You know the words (although not consistently) to the ABC's, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle, Five Little Monkeys, London Bridge, Rain Rain Go Away, the clean-up song, and Skinna Marinky Dinky Do (sp?).  I usually recognize the tune and try to chime in, but you don't seem to like it when I sing too much.  The picture below may be an absolute favorite of mine (note the tummy).

Speaking of tummies, you're losing yours!  The doctor warned me, but I didn't believe her.  She said by the time you turn three, your tummy would be flatter like big kids rather than chubby like a toddlers.  Boo hoo:(

You love your daddy so much.  When you hear the garage door open, you make a beeline for the door.  You run and jump into his arms.  You peek into the mirror to look at your faces.  Too cute.  Sometimes you like to snuggle up with him before bedtime and watch a bit of Wall-E, but then you scoot down and come down the hallway so that you can snuggle up with me and read a book before bedtime.

You love to read books.  We read every night, and you've even memorized some of the words to your favorite books like Bear Snores On and Toy Trouble (yes, that's a Toy Story 2 book I've read to you no less than 539 times). 

Can you tell how much we love you?  Because we really do.