Unimaginable

Parenting is a hard job.  It's exhausting and self-sacrificing and often thankless.

While I consider myself to be a patient person, I often find myself frustrated by the things my children do.

It drives me crazy that Jack changes his mind about what he wants to wear approximately 3.2 seconds before leaving the house in the morning...

When I ask Hannah to come over to get her diaper changed, and she runs the other way, I want to pull my hair out...

It makes me insane when, as soon as I sit down on the couch, Jack asks me for more orange juice...

And when I'm trying to make dinner, and Hannah is pulling on my clothes and crying, just because, my patience is tested...

But they came home from school on Friday.

Once again, I am reminded that these little, daily frustrations mean absolutely nothing.  That these are not things to get upset about...that compared to what other people are facing, the problems I face are not  even a blip on the map.    Not even close.

I know that I have held my children closer.  I got down on the floor today while cooking dinner just to tickle my little girl.  I helped Jack sort through all of his pajamas to find the very specific one he was looking for the very minute we walked in the door from school.  I made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he decided he didn't like the dinner I had made.

My sweet babies...I just can't imagine...


And neither could have all of those parents and family members.  My heart aches for them...

Mommy-Fail

It's never good when your kids get hurt.  It's even worse when they get hurt because of you.

Today was going okay.  I wanted it to be this perfect, packed-with-fun day for me and the kids.  Our last day just the three of us before I head back to work for another school year...  We had a lazy morning (one in which Jack was telling me he really wanted to go to Grandma's - they have a play-date scheduled for tomorrow), but after Hannah's morning nap, we headed to Sport Bounce so the kids could play and then to California Tortilla for lunch.  Everything was going very smoothly until we left lunch.

Since Hannah's been walking, I've tried to encourage her to walk when we're out and about.  So I opened the door to leave the restaurant, and Miss Hannah stepped through.  I was right behind her, and Jack was behind me.  She was moving kind of quick, and I needed to grab her hand to keep her safe.  I turned around to look at Jack, and he was coming through the door.

And then I made the conscious decision to let go of the door so that I could grab Hannah's hand to keep her from walking away.  In that split second where I had to make the decision, I figured either that Jack would speed up to sneak through it or that he'd catch it with his arm.  I caught Hannah's hand, and turned around.  In that instant, the door hit Jack, and he went down.  It knocked him immediately over. Hard.

He immediately started to cry and grab his leg, and I picked Hannah up quickly to get to Jack and help him up.  He wanted to be held, so I stayed low to the ground with the two of them, checking out the scrape on his arm.  It was then that I saw the dots of blood on his t-shirt and realized the underside of his chin was bleeding.  I felt so horrible, and he was so sad:(

I was able to calm him down and carry them both to the car.  He asked me to drive fast so we could get home and I could take care of his boo boos.  We got home quickly, and then I carried them both in.  I got him settled on the couch with his blanket and Skinny Bear, and then I quickly put Hannah down for her nap so that I could properly attend to Jack.

I cleaned up his cuts, put on some band-aids, and gave lots of snuggles.  He started to feel better, so we went upstairs and climbed into my bed for our afternoon nap.  My little man fell asleep pretty quickly, but I couldn't stop thinking about how guilty I felt.  Most days - I really do feel like I've adjusted really well to handling two little ones.  We hit our groove - I don't feel like I'm neglecting one for the other.  I don't feel like Jack feels left out or unloved.  But today?  Today was horrible.  By trying to keep her safe, I caused Jack to get hurt, and then I couldn't even immediately tend to him when we got home because Hannah had to go down for a nap or it would have been too tricky for me to take care of him (she'd be shredding band-aids or eating dog food).  It didn't feel good.

Add to that the impending stress of having to go back to work.  Rainy days.  A little boy who woke up sad and asking for Grandma (again!), and it just wasn't a good day.

But somehow?  This adorable little boy...

...he "loves me crazy...as big as the Earf!"

I hope he knows that I love him like crazy too.  That I love him as big as the Earth.  And more.  Because I do.

Mama's sorry, Monkey.  I love you.

Corn and Apples and Beans, Oh My!

I know by this time, if you've been reading my blog, you know that Hannah eats anything you set down in front of her.  And even some things you don't.  Let's be honest.

Jack - notsomuch.

Jack is one of the pickiest eaters I know.  And unfortunately, we've enabled this behavior from a very young age, and now he'd eat buttered noodles every night if we let him.  After many discussions with his doctor, I tried to just offer him veggies and not make him eat them in the hopes that one time on his own he'd give it a go and discover that he loves fruits and veggies.  No such luck.  He wasn't at all curious in the least.  Nothing from my bag of tricks worked...not even Sam I am.

"Try it, try it, and you may.  Try it and you may I say," was responded to with a polite, "no, thank you."

So, in all honesty, for the last couple of years, he's taken a vitamin every night and then avoided vegetables like the plague.  He does drink lots of orange juice and he likes some fresh fruit (bananas, strawberries, and blueberries), but that's about it.

Well, the tides are changing.  We finally decided that we just need to be a little more firm and make this veggie thing happen.  Seriously this time.  We've tried a few times in the past, but once we're met with gagging and tears, we give up.  We're softies - correction: I am a softy, and I cave.

Now we give Jack a little of everything we're having for dinner, and he has to take at least one bite of everything.  If he doesn't, then he doesn't get a snack after dinner.

It started with a little trickery on our part.  I have a picture of his cousin Owen chowing down on some corn on the cob.  Jack loves Owen, so when I showed him the picture, I was not at all surprised that he would want to be just like Owen and give this whole corn thing one more try.  We were met with success:)

Last night, we had McDonald's and I made Jack's plate up and included the apples that now come with a Happy Meal.  Usually, we end up eating them and not even offering them to Jack because we know how much he'll protest.  But just matter-of-fact, I set them out and expected him to eat them.  After he was finished with dinner, he got up to go watch one of his shows, and wouldn't you know it?    

That little stinker came back into the room, grabbed the rest of the apples, and said, "I'm just going to take these in the other room in case I decide I want some more."

We said nothing.  Just watched in awe and attempted to pick our jaws up off of the kitchen table.  HE ATE THEM ALL.  THE WHOLE BAG.  

And tonight?  Tonight we had kielbasa, beans, and corn.  He does really like kielbasa {and wouldn't you know it?  So does his sister:)}.  He gave everything a try.  Only one bite of corn and beans, but still, it's better than nothing.

We are making great strides.  And I am so proud.

Vacation is for Losers

At least the mid-winter, get-away kind.  I'm not quite sure what we were thinking.  It was probably a sign yesterday when we were trying to pack and our children were melting down.  Hannah wouldn't stop crying for reasons unknown and Jack was not exactly helping us get packed up and out the door.  In fact, in talking to my mom about when we'd be dropping the puppies off for their visit to Grammy's, the words, "I need a mother's helper to just take my children into another room so that I can pack for thirty-five minutes," may or may not have escaped my lips.  We should have stopped while we were ahead.  

Turns out that everyone else also took Great Wolf Lodge up on its offer for fabulous savings on not-so-popular days.  We arrived yesterday around four and knew we were in for a different experience when we walked into the lobby and found the line for check-in snaking around the entire room.  Our room was wonderful; we were upgraded into a room with a loft.  Jack was thrilled that he could jump from bed to bed, and that he had his own space upstairs.  Truth be told, the loft was actually an acoustic torture chamber as our beautiful children took turns screaming and whining each and every time we stepped foot into our room.

The water at the water park was much colder than it was in October.  Much.  And not only was the water colder, but because it was so crowded, you also had to wait in line to go down the slides.  I do have to admit, watching Hannah, in her adorable swimsuit "swim" in the wave pool was pretty cute.  She was so happy and just grinned from ear to ear.  That girl is a magnet for "oohs" and "ahhs" from strangers, I tell you.   When we finally got out of the wave pool though, we realized how very cold we actually were.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that Brad lost his wedding ring at the water park as well.  And so far?  It hasn't shown up.  Our best guess is that due to the chilly temps, water, and babies, it fell off somewhere in the park.  Lovely.

Before we left the water park, Jack wanted to go down one of the slides again.  He and Daddy had said that they'd gone down two different slides at the same time, and Jack wanted to do that with me.  Sure, why not?  We go into this section that is impossible to navigate without getting soaked.  Jack, being the smart boy that he is, wanted to be held so that the cold water wouldn't land directly on him.  When we finally got to the top, Jack explained again that he was going to go down the green slide and that I should go down the yellow slide.  I explained that there was a long line for the yellow slide and that I could just slide down after him, but he kept telling me that wasn't what he and Daddy did.  I was not understanding how the whole thing had worked, and I was freezing to death, so in a moment of poor judgement, Jack got in his line, and I stood watching him from mine.  He went down before me, and I just assumed that when he went with Daddy, he just waited for Daddy at the bottom of the other slide.  Not so.  After waiting in line for a few minutes, and peering over the edge to see Jack, I found him standing next to Daddy and Hannah.  Apparently, he'd had the good sense to go find Daddy and wait with him.  When I finally came down the slide, Brad was not happy.  His concern, which was a valid one, was that Jack had been left unattended.  When I asked him how they had done it previously, he said that either he or Jack had let people in front of them so that they could go down at the same time, and then Brad catapulted himself down the slide to arrive at the bottom before Jack.  Probably would have been a smart decision, but it just hadn't occurred to me.  I have no idea why.  Mother-of-the-Year Award?  FAIL.

The good news is that Jack had fun on the slides.  We came back to the room, got changed, and then went to dinner, but it was late, and both of our little lovelies fell asleep during the meal.  Hannah in her Baby Bjorn, and Jack across the bench we were sharing.  Luckily, we all slept well last night.

After a rough morning and another brief stint at the water park (well, at least for Jack and Daddy - Hannah and I were in the hotel room so that she could catch up on a proper nap after screaming during my entire shower), we visited the arcade, had lunch in the room, and then prepared the babies for nap time.  It was then we realized that Jack had the sniffles.  The approximately every-42-seconds sniffles (probably from that ice water we exposed him to at the park.  Again, Mother-of-the-Year Award?  FAIL.).  Makes it kinda tricky for everyone to nap, wouldn't you think?  I gave him some medicine, and he did finally fall asleep for about half an hour.

It was during that time that Brad and I decided that nobody was really having any fun, and that we should really just pack up and go home.  Why should we stay there and spend more money for all of us to be miserable?  It just didn't make any sense.  I started to pack us up.  We loaded all of our belongings back onto the cart - which was pretty funny in itself due to the amount of things we brought for what was now an overnight trip.  I tried to take a picture of our things as we waited for the elevator, but just as the camera went off, a staff member walked into the shot.  I didn't have the heart to try again - it had just been one of those days.    

On the way home, Jack got progressively worse, he didn't even want to get out of the car to eat, so I actually ended up feeding Hannah her baby food while in her car seat.  I sang songs the last 45 minutes of our trip to keep the babies from crying.  Poor Jack can barely breathe through his nose, and he's saying his throat hurts and that juice tastes funny.  We have a date with the doctor tomorrow morning at 7:30 am.  Should be fun...  I hope that he'll be able to sleep well tonight - I hate when my little lovelies don't feel good.

So, all in all...

I'm not sure how people with small children travel.  Or at least make traveling look easy.  I just don't get it.  Taking diapers, and baby food, and bottles alone is exhausting.  Not to mention bedtime stories and toys.  And strollers (which in another moment of poor judgement, I decided to bring the single stroller as opposed to the double stroller).  And the Bumbo seat, since poor Hannah isn't sitting up on her own.  I just don't understand.  And clearly we were not ready.  It was too soon.  We are not the kind of people who can just go with the flow and it'll all be okay.  It seems like when it gets bad, it just always ends up snowballing into worse.

I'm thinking that we're putting vacations on hold for a long time.  Maybe even until Miss Hannah is out of diapers.  By my calculations, that puts us at about the time that Jack is getting ready to go into kindergarten.  Which seems so very far away, but I know that it's really not.  I just want them to get to do fun things and for us to build memories as a family of four.  I'd love to have fun, yearly vacations.  Maybe we just have to wait a few years to start?!  I don't know.  All I do know, is that this is the last time for a long time.

In talking about the past 36 hours as I typed this post, Brad and I discovered the silver lining of our trip: there was no traffic to or fro.

Yeah, that's it.  I've got nothing else.

Spoiled Rotten

I can be honest.  I know that my littles are spoiled rotten.  And I can also admit that it's mostly my fault.  But I just can't help it.  I'm a shopper...I love to shop, and when Jack was a baby, I'd find one or two cute things for him everywhere I went.  Then he became a toddler and he was able to pick his own things that he wanted, and for the most part, he usually picks these little, inexpensive toys that never seemed like a big deal.  Except for now (hindsight is 20/20), these little, inexpensive toys are over-taking our living space and everywhere we go Jack wants to get something for himself.  It's something we're working on.

In addition, we're also working on being appreciative and grateful for the things we have and not necessarily expecting something from everywhere we go or everyone we see.  Which is tricky for Jack because we may spoil him, but we're not the only ones:)  Grandparents, aunts, family friends...and most recently, Great-Grandma Stella.  As much as I like to shop for my sweet babies, Great-Grandma Stella may have me beat.  This past weekend when we went to visit her, I came home with a stroller full of goodies for Jack and Hannah...it felt a little bit like Christmas.

Jack was so excited about his new toys, so I decided to make a little thank you video for Great-Grandma Stella.  Well, actually, I suggested making a thank you card, but Jack thought that was "silly."  So there's another something we're working on, but in the meantime, enjoy the video:)  Especially the part where Jack believes that Great-Grandma Stella is on the other side of the video camera!

Grandma ~ My little ones are so lucky to have a Great-Grandma like you.  Thank you for everything!  We love you very much.

Monday Magic

I don't typically look forward to Mondays, what with the beginning of the work week and all.  In fact, I have to work really hard at not being down all Sunday evening in the anticipation of Monday.  But today was such a good day...

Jack is really becoming more and more of a conversationalist, and it is the sweetest, most adorable thing in the world to me and his daddy.  This morning, I got up to get breakfast, and from downstairs, I heard Jack open his bedroom door and whimper at the top of the stairs.  I came up to get him, and he snuggled with me for a few minutes before heading downstairs.  He went potty, and then asked me to rub his back for a good five minutes (truly his mother's child!).  We took care of the puppy dogs and got our breakfast ready, and then my sweet little man invited me to come and eat with him.  Before I went upstairs to take a shower,  here's how our chit-chat went:

Me: I had such a good weekend with you.

Jack: I had a good weekend with you too.

Completely unprompted, unpracticed.  Just heartfelt.  Be still my little heart.

He got dressed all by himself and was as cute as can be during drop-off at school.  When I picked him up, he was so excited to see me.  We came home and Jack wanted to go for a walk, so we took the doggies out for awhile.  Then he wanted to drive his tractor, only for some reason, he likes me to drive it first and then about half-way around the block, he drives and I walk next to him, trying to guide his steering:)  He did such a good job today!  He even recognized the lettering on the John Deere gator and wanted me to go and get his John Deere hat:)

He "helped" with dinner and was such a brave, little boy when he got his first little burn.  He was a little too eager to get his hands on the garlic bread, and while I thought I'd pushed the cookie sheet back enough on the counter, apparently I had not:(  He didn't shed a single tear, just announced he had a boo-boo, and he was so good while I put a cold, wet paper towel on it and Googled how to proceed from there.  A little Neosporin and a Nemo bandaid later, and he was as good as new, although occasionally throughout the evening Daddy and I heard him whimper a little "ow."

After dinner, again as cute as can be, he said to Daddy, "Are you finished, Daddy?  Do you want to come and play with me a little bit?"  Ohmygoodness.  Brad and I just looked at each other and looked at Jack and fell in love all over again.  His cuteness just abounds and that adorable little voice gets us every time!

All in all, minus our little man's boo-boo, it was a magical Monday.  I love days like these...

Not So Wordless Wednesday

Here are some pictures to tide you over until I can add my thoughts...let's just say that the last 30 minutes of Jack's night were tricky in the behavior department.  Does it get better at three?  Please tell me it gets better at three!

*****

Edited to include detail:

If I told you that this adorable little boy threw one of the top three tantrums we've ever seen this evening after this photo was taken, would you believe me?

Yeah, I wouldn't either.  Except I was there, and I survived it, along with his Daddy.  After bath time, Jack flat out refused to put on his underpants.  I didn't even know that refusal was an option when you're two, but apparently it is.  I tried my usual "count to 3" routine.  Nothing.  I tried to put them on him myself, which led to a small wrestling match of arms and legs, and I was losing.  We tried counting again, this time with the promise that Jack would not get a story before bedtime if he didn't put his underpants on.  And he still didn't do it.  Finally, (and we're talking like 20 minutes later after much jumping, stomping, and crying) he called down enough for me to finish getting him dressed and cut his fingernails.  The whole time, he was hiccuping and sniffling, and asking, "Story?"  My little heart was breaking.  I snuggled him.  I told him I loved him.  I told him I couldn't read him a story because he didn't listen to Mommy, but that we would read a story the next night if he was a good listener.  With tears in both of our eyes, I tucked him in and left the room.  Then I went to the bathroom and cried.  I hate disciplining.  I think it might be my least favorite thing; I feel so mean. 

On another note: check out the adorable groundhog that Jack made at school! 

And the cute love bug!

I love seeing his artwork hang on the fridge!

Can I come with you?

This is Jack's new phrase - "Can I come with you?"  It was really cute the first several times he said it, but it's been a very LONG day, and it's getting to be a bit much.

He's getting over a little bug - so I understand that he doesn't necessarily feel like his usual self, but my goodness...it has been a trying day.  It started this morning when I left to go shoe-shopping with my mom and Aunt Kathy.  Jack followed me to the door, big, splashy tears streaming down his face, crying, "Can I come with you?!"  I felt so bad.  I figured that it would get better after I actually left.

But it didn't.  He didn't really want to play with Daddy today, so he hung out by himself and actually fell asleep in the middle of the family room floor.  He's never fallen asleep randomly like that before, but it sure sent his naptime into a tail-spin.  In other words - he didn't nap.  Not good for a two year-old who's feeling under the weather. 

Ever since I went in to get him up from his nap, he's been following me around, asking, "Can I come with you?"

I wanted to go to the bathroom.  "Can I come too?"  Sure.

I tried to take something downstairs.  "Can I come with you, Mommy?"  Of course.

I tried to refill his juice.  "Can I help you too?"  No problem.

Literally, every small step I've taken today, Jack has been less than 1/2 a foot behind me. 

Patience is a virtue.  Patience is a virtue.  Here he comes now.  So please, if you're going on vacation...

Can I come with you?!

Waterworks

This morning was a tearjerker.  When trying to get Jack ready for school this morning, he kept saying, "Me no go to school today, Mama.  Not yet.  Tomorrow."  My heart was breaking...

He repeated this mantra the entire way to school, and while he did very well yesterday and didn't cry at drop off, he definitely cried this morning.  Which made me cry.  I hate when he's sad:(  I felt so guilty that I had to go to work, and I had to rush out the door so he wouldn't see my teary eyes and get into my car so the other parents wouldn't think I was crazy crying through the hallways like a 12 year old school girl.

Working mommies - does it ever get better?  Do you ever not feel guilty when you drop your baby off at school and they're sad?  Oh, it's horrible.  I try so hard not to cry and to be super-strong for Baby Jack, but when his little bottom lip starts to quiver, I'm completely powerless.

So this afternoon when we got home, we had lots of snuggle-time, to say the least.  And he was being so super-cute (probably so I won't take him to school tomorrow!).  He wore his daddy's watch through most of the evening - so sweet.  He's sleeping with it as we speak:)

Here's a video of my sweet, little man, taken this evening before bedtime:

For the record, you'd cry if you had to drop off his sad, little face before rushing off to work too.  Don't lie.
 

Lesson Learned

Okay, I'll admit it.  I used to be one of those people who would see little kids dressed in mismatched clothing and (what I consider to be) ugly shoes and wonder why on earth their parents would let them out of the house that way.  I would wonder, "Don't they love them and want them to look adorable and well cared for?"  Shallow...I know.

But, that was before.  Before Jack got Toy Story cowboy boots for his second birthday.  When he opened the boots, he was not excited.  But then, something clicked in our little man, and all of a sudden he loved them.  Some of you might remember a Snapfish album when I sent a few photos of a little boy in diapers and his cowboy boots...yeah, those are the ones I'm hiding until he graduates from high school:)  Remember how he slept in them that night?

These boots go EVERYWHERE.  We even took them on our beach vacation.  Remember when he wore them to the pool?

                                             

He even wore them to dinner one night while on vacation, and on our way into the restaurant, a man at the bar said to us, "He must really love them boots."

"Yes - yes, he does."  What else could I say?  And finally - I got it.  It's not that those parents don't care what their kids look like or what they might wear...it's just that they want their kids to be happy.  (And also, sometimes with a todder, you really need to pick your battles.)  In fact, maybe those parents were so proud that their children were just glowing with having made their own choice about what they really wanted to wear.  Now I know...and I never judge.  Because, darn it, as much as I hope he doesn't grow up to be a cowboy, he looks so stinkin' cute in those boots:)  I just can't help myself.

But he does wear them all the time.  In the morning, he wakes up, and asks for his boots.  "My boots are in my room, Mama."

He zips and unzips them all day long.  So much so, in fact, that he now as a callous on his thumb.  A boo-boo he showed me tonight while we were getting ready for bed..........while wearing his cowboy boots.  That's right - he's sleeping in them.  Again. 

He often takes them to bed at night and tucks them in next to his pillow.  See?

                                      

He even put his little hand over there so he would know if I tried to remove them!  No, I'm kidding - I made that up, but seriously?!

I'm having to edit them out of some of our photos so people don't think we're crazier than we are.  Remember the water fun pictures I posted the other day?  Yeah - this is what Jack was actually wearing the entire time:

                                                

I know, I know.  Don't laugh.  Don't judge.  Just enjoy.

I know that this is a phase.  When it's over, I'm going to cry.  Probably not as hard as Jack, but I may really cry.  Does anyone know where I can find these exact boots in a size 9 or 10 because when they don't fit anymore what on earth are we going to do?

Sunny Cleveland, Part III (The Finale) and So Much to Say...

It's been awhile...I apologize.  I'm exhausted, but more about that in a minute.  First I wanted to finish up sharing pictures from our trip to Cleveland.  After the picnic on Saturday, we headed back to my Aunt Kathy's to hang out and relax. 

Jack did some more rolling down the hill (with Ryan, this time).  None of my pictures came out that clearly though:(

The rest of us napped...or rather, tried to nap (somewhat hard with a two year old and five dogs present).

We had some really good pizza for dinner and then headed back to our hotel.  The next morning, we flew home.  Jack fell asleep about thirty seconds into take-off (that's right, as we were rocketing towards space), and didn't move until after we landed.  I'm so glad that he does so well with airplanes:)

He also loved the various shuttles we had to take in the airports.  Maybe because of the freedom not being in a carseat allows?

All in all, it was a really fun trip and went much more smoothly than either Brad or I had anticipated.  We're so lucky that Jack is so flexible in his schedule...thank goodness!

Remember how I mentioned that I'm tired?  I'm beginning to understand what people mean when they say "terrible-two's."  It's incredibly ex.haust.ing.  Seriously.  The indecisiveness.  The mood swings.  The whining.  I'm learning that parenting is all about patience.  And lately, I've really been working on mine.  Lately, it's been a must that I work on my patience because my goodness, some days I can barely stand it.  He's so adorable...so sweet, and his speech is coming along fantastically, but he still struggles to voice his needs/wants rather than whine or cry.  And what he wants one second is not necessarily what he meant or really wants the next second.  Patience. is. a. virtue. 

Also.  POTTY-TRAINING!!!!!  Craziness, I tell you.  What's really wrong with diapers anyway?  I'm so proud that he's only a few months into being two and mostly potty-trained, but that is also a major challenge.  Jack goes to the bathroom more than anyone else I know, and no matter what time of day I plan on taking my shower (even if it's right after he's gone to the bathroom), he ALWAYS has to go while I'm in there.  Which, incidentally, always results in a lot of clean up and laundry.  I used to really like laundry.  Now...not so much.

All this being said - I miss him like crazy when he's not around.  This weekend, I took Brad on an overnight getaway, and my parents kept Jack (and the doggies!) overnight.  I had such a good time with my hubby, and we laughed and had a very nice, quiet dinner.  But I told Brad in the morning that I woke up at 1:36 am, ready and willing to go get Baby Jack:)

Here's a sneak-peek at my next post about our getaway:

Can you guess where we went?

Gotta run...the washing machine is beeping at me, but leave a mama some love!