Is it just me?

Is it bad to admit that Christmas stresses me out?  I can't help it - it's true.

I stress about the presents and the money and finding the perfect gifts for everyone on our shopping list.

I stress about the wrapping.  And about having the house clean for Christmas.  I stress about when is the right time to buy food for Christmas celebrations.  I stress about finding time to make cookies and decorate gingerbread houses with the kids.  I stress about making sure we create strong, happy Christmas memories for our little lovelies.

I stress a lot.  And when I get stressed, I get a little agitated and definitely less patient than I should be.  I don't like myself when I'm like that - but every year, at what should be only a happy, special time, it happens.  I can't seem to help it, no matter how hard I try to stay organized and on top of things.

This year?  No different.  I found myself feeling rushed and frantic, planning out our days and thinking about how I couldn't truly relax until the day after Christmas.  Then we'd have some true down-time.  And yet I knew that wishing away Christmas is such an unhappy thing - so this inner battle continues and I found myself having a near panic attack when our doorbell rang on Christmas Day announcing that our family was starting to arrive.  My hair was still wet from my rushed shower, my makeup was not on, and I was only half dressed.  I think Hannah might've been naked and Jack was still in his pajamas.  I almost cried.

Instead, I finished my makeup, got dressed, pulled my hair back, and went downstairs to host Christmas as best I could.  And the truth is - once everything is under way, I'm fine.  But the anticipation of these things is too much.  I know it's weird, but it's true.

We had a lovely Christmas, but I need to find a way to make the days leading up to Christmas less stressful for me.  I've already made a shopping list for next year and I've vowed to start my shopping sooner.  I typically wait until after all of our family birthdays are over (post-Thanksgiving) to start, and this plan hasn't worked. Ever.  So I'm changing the way I think about this, and next year, I'm starting after Halloween.  I'm also going to wrap as presents come into the house (you know, to avoid the staying up until 3 am one night every year to finish this task).

Hopefully, these things make a difference in the stress level next year.  I do not want my kids to grow up associating Christmas with stress and anxiety, so I have to start somewhere.

Suggestions, anyone?