Today was going okay. I wanted it to be this perfect, packed-with-fun day for me and the kids. Our last day just the three of us before I head back to work for another school year... We had a lazy morning (one in which Jack was telling me he really wanted to go to Grandma's - they have a play-date scheduled for tomorrow), but after Hannah's morning nap, we headed to Sport Bounce so the kids could play and then to California Tortilla for lunch. Everything was going very smoothly until we left lunch.
Since Hannah's been walking, I've tried to encourage her to walk when we're out and about. So I opened the door to leave the restaurant, and Miss Hannah stepped through. I was right behind her, and Jack was behind me. She was moving kind of quick, and I needed to grab her hand to keep her safe. I turned around to look at Jack, and he was coming through the door.
And then I made the conscious decision to let go of the door so that I could grab Hannah's hand to keep her from walking away. In that split second where I had to make the decision, I figured either that Jack would speed up to sneak through it or that he'd catch it with his arm. I caught Hannah's hand, and turned around. In that instant, the door hit Jack, and he went down. It knocked him immediately over. Hard.
He immediately started to cry and grab his leg, and I picked Hannah up quickly to get to Jack and help him up. He wanted to be held, so I stayed low to the ground with the two of them, checking out the scrape on his arm. It was then that I saw the dots of blood on his t-shirt and realized the underside of his chin was bleeding. I felt so horrible, and he was so sad:(
I was able to calm him down and carry them both to the car. He asked me to drive fast so we could get home and I could take care of his boo boos. We got home quickly, and then I carried them both in. I got him settled on the couch with his blanket and Skinny Bear, and then I quickly put Hannah down for her nap so that I could properly attend to Jack.
I cleaned up his cuts, put on some band-aids, and gave lots of snuggles. He started to feel better, so we went upstairs and climbed into my bed for our afternoon nap. My little man fell asleep pretty quickly, but I couldn't stop thinking about how guilty I felt. Most days - I really do feel like I've adjusted really well to handling two little ones. We hit our groove - I don't feel like I'm neglecting one for the other. I don't feel like Jack feels left out or unloved. But today? Today was horrible. By trying to keep her safe, I caused Jack to get hurt, and then I couldn't even immediately tend to him when we got home because Hannah had to go down for a nap or it would have been too tricky for me to take care of him (she'd be shredding band-aids or eating dog food). It didn't feel good.
Add to that the impending stress of having to go back to work. Rainy days. A little boy who woke up sad and asking for Grandma (again!), and it just wasn't a good day.
But somehow? This adorable little boy...
...he "loves me crazy...as big as the Earf!"
I hope he knows that I love him like crazy too. That I love him as big as the Earth. And more. Because I do.
Mama's sorry, Monkey. I love you.
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